"note: keep this resume on top of the stack. use all others to heat your house."
"assisted in daily preparation of large quantities of consumable items in a fast-paced setting." (translation: short-order cook.)
"but wait...there''''''''s more. you get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature."
"i have an excellent track record, although i am not a horse." "my fortune cookie said, ''''''''your next interview will result in a job''''''''-and i like your company in particular."
"title: another resume from the ''''''''profiles in excellence'''''''' series."
"also known as: mr. productivity, mr. clever, mr.fix-it."
"trustworthy references available upon request-if i give them a few bucks."
"let''''''''s meet so you can ''''''''ooh'''''''' and ''''''''ahh'''''''' over my experience."